A concept often intertwined with the frameworks of attachment theory and Stockholm syndrome.
Trauma Bonding #
Here is what @shawnkhowerton wrote on Instagram: “When you’re with an abuser what they do is take away your self-confidence and self-worth. They make you believe that they are your everything. That you cannot live without them. My ex said he put me on a pedestal. He did so that he could laugh when I fell. When he took the bat to my head and knocked me off that pedestal as hard as he could. He told me he was going to “cut me loose.” And that’s exactly what he did. He made sure he took away everything and anything he could. Anything that mattered to me that gave me joy or hope or pleasure or security. He ripped it from me, and he loved every minute of my pain. The trauma bond is a real thing. It’s where you feel as if you cannot live without your abuser. It’s kinda like your dog. You can kick it over and over and over again and it still comes back to you. It’s incredibly sad and abusive and evil.” - your opinion? #
The statement you’ve shared from @shawnkhowerton on Instagram vividly illustrates the complex and distressing dynamics often present in abusive relationships. The description powerfully captures the psychological and emotional manipulation that abusers employ to maintain control over their victims.
The act of ‘putting someone on a pedestal’ only to derive satisfaction from their subsequent downfall is a form of psychological abuse. This tactic is designed to destabilize the victim’s sense of self-worth and create a power imbalance. By idolizing and then aggressively devaluing the victim, the abuser creates an environment of unpredictability and fear, which is a common strategy in abusive relationships.
The reference to a “trauma bond” is particularly poignant. This term describes the strong emotional connection that develops between an abuser and their victim, often as a result of the abuse, which is akin to the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome. This bond can make it difficult for the victim to leave the abusive situation, as they might develop sympathy for their abuser or become psychologically dependent on them, despite the harm they are causing.
The metaphor of a dog returning to its owner despite being mistreated is a stark illustration of this dynamic. It underscores the tragic reality that victims of abuse can feel compelled to stay with or return to their abusers due to this complex emotional entanglement.
Overall, this account sheds light on the insidious nature of abuse, where physical violence is often compounded with psychological manipulation, leading to a situation where the victim feels powerless and entrapped. It’s a crucial reminder of the importance of recognizing and addressing all forms of abuse, and the need for providing support and resources to those who are experiencing it.
What do we know about trauma bond dynamics? #
Trauma bonding is a phenomenon deeply rooted in the psychological response to abuse, particularly in the context of an abusive relationship. This concept is often intertwined with the frameworks of attachment theory and Stockholm syndrome, offering a multifaceted understanding of why individuals may form strong emotional attachments to their abusers. Let’s delve into the various aspects of trauma bonding from a psychological perspective:
Attachment Theory and Interpersonal Trauma: Attachment theory, formulated by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, postulates that early relationships with caregivers form the blueprint for future interpersonal relationships. In the context of trauma bonding, this theory can help explain why individuals who have experienced childhood abuse or neglect might be more susceptible to forming trauma bonds in adulthood. They may unconsciously seek out relationships that mirror the dynamics of their early life experiences, perpetuating a cycle of abuse and dysfunctional attachment.
Stockholm Syndrome and Captor-Bonding: Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response wherein hostages or abuse victims develop a psychological alliance with their captors or abusers as a survival strategy. Similar dynamics are observed in trauma bonding, where the victim develops positive feelings towards the abuser, sympathy for their plight, and a desire to defend them, despite the harm inflicted upon them.
Cognitive Dissonance and Justification: Cognitive dissonance theory, proposed by Leon Festinger, suggests that individuals have an inherent desire to maintain internal consistency in their beliefs and attitudes. In abusive relationships, this can lead to victims rationalizing or justifying the abusive behavior to reconcile the dissonance between their feelings for the abuser and the reality of the abuse. This psychological process can perpetuate the trauma bond.
Intermittent Reinforcement and Behavioral Psychology: This concept, rooted in the work of B.F. Skinner, involves the delivery of rewards or punishments at irregular intervals. In abusive relationships, the abuser may alternate between kindness and cruelty, creating an unpredictable environment. This intermittent reinforcement can lead to an addictive cycle where the victim becomes conditioned to endure the abuse for the intermittent periods of kindness or affection, further reinforcing the trauma bond.
Learned Helplessness and Victimhood: Developed by Martin Seligman, this theory describes a state in which a person feels unable to change their situation despite having the ability to do so. In the context of trauma bonding, victims may feel powerless and incapable of leaving the abusive relationship due to a belief that they cannot function independently or that all relationships are destined to be abusive.
Neurobiological Factors: Recent research has indicated that traumatic experiences, especially those involving interpersonal relationships, can have profound neurobiological effects. The intense emotional experiences associated with trauma bonding can lead to changes in brain chemistry and function, particularly in areas related to attachment, stress response, and emotional regulation.
In summary, trauma bonding is a complex and multifaceted psychological phenomenon. It involves a mix of learned behavioral patterns, cognitive processes, and emotional responses, often underpinned by earlier life experiences and potentially reinforced by neurobiological changes. Understanding these dynamics is crucial in providing effective support and therapy for individuals who find themselves in such situations, helping them to break free from the cycle of abuse and trauma.